Well it has been along time since I have been writing. A lot has happened. Most of which is gaining a closer relationship with God.  He has shown himself in so many different and wonderful ways to me.

First back on my 15 yr anny. (June28th) my father end up in the hospital. It was very scary to me, for a number of reasons. I thought I was going to lose my dad that night. I also had other reasons which was much deeper then I ever thought they went.

I used to take care of my dad when we lived in Lakeville and I was very picky on how things were done. People say I am like that with me kids as well. lol   Well I was not able to say very much this night because my sisters and mom were there. Which don't get me wrong that was ok, but something was brewing in me that I didn't know still was there for my dad.

Well as the night went on some very scary things happened with my dad of which I had no control over.  My family had no idea what was happening to me they just saw me at the time as being a mess which at the time I was because I didn't realize what was happening to me either I felt something but didn't understand it I kept asking God what ever this is take it from me.

Well my dad flat lined and all these people were running into his room and I just about passed out. A women came up to me and the way she looked at me I knew she was no ordinary nurse and if you know me well enough you know I have had a lot of nurses in my life. Well    this nurse completely understood. It was if she was a angel.  Her words I tell you change everything that night..
 "I know it hurts but you are no longer in control HE is"... I about dropped out of my seat... what happened to my heart at that moment was just incredible...

So I spent the night with my dad, I just want to be there in case something happened.. Well I didn't sleep very well. I would ask him questions he wouldn't answer me. I had to go get the nurse so she could ask the questions to find out the answers... This broke my heart I was wondering what I did that made him be like this to me. The next morning my mom got there and he brightened right up, which to be honest with you killed me inside because I am his daughter and he can't even talk to me.

Right here the next thing I learned... He loves me but wants his wife... I was so used to him needing me that when mom came in the room it was very clear that his place is with his wife.... which is the way it should be... but has not always been that why because of a seperation... I geuss it made me angery that all this time when he needed something or someone I had to stop doing what I was doing and go over there to help take care for him, I felt like he just slapped me in the face.

Well time went on and I realized that I need people to need me, to feel ok about myself.  I went through a lot of questions? "is this for really or am I just dreaming this up."

Well I came to the realization that God was not the center of my life and I have a contentious spirit... I want to be right, I want to be in control, I want my way because if I let anyone else do it they will lose piece or they will be controlling over me and I told myself when I was younger NO ONE WILL EVER CONTROL ME..  well I am here to say that if you have ever said that when you were younger then you need to repent of that because then means that God can help you either. Not that He wants to control you but the growing you do in a christian life feels like he is controlling you .. The one thing I have learned about God is he is the only God out there that lets YOU choose what you want to do ... I SO LOVE THAT ABOUT HIM>>>  

Well my dad is doing great and mom and him are right where they should be together and loving each other.

So needless to say I have done alot of growing and still am.. Thank You God for using my dad to show me what only you can do for me and I want to say thank you to my family to put up with me ... I LOVE YOU GUYS...

     Today has been a wild ride again.  Last night I eat food I know I can't have but did so anyways because it was here and I had no self-control and need list to say I was up all night very sick, throwing up and well other things as well.

     Reminds me of the Israelites they became very discontent and started complaining and they missed a lot of blessing... Self control is something I have never been good at but I with Gods help will be working on it this year...

      Why is it that we want what we can't have or we shouldn't have? Why is it that we trade what is good for us for something that most of the time hurts us....?

       I chalk it up to I want what I want when I want it.... and whith God that is no way to be....  

       So what are you doing in your life is stopping blessing in your life.... ? 

But be sure to fear the LORD and faithfully serve him. Think of all the wonderful things he has done for you.               
           1 Samuel 12:24,
 Samuel reminded the people to take time to consider what great things God had done for them. Taking time for reflection allows us to focus our attention upon God's goodness and strengthens our faith. Sometimes we are so progress- and future-oriented that we fail to take time to recall all that God has already done.               
 Remember what God has done for you so that you may move ahead with gratitude.

Have you stopped long enough for reflection. or are you so busy that God is on your time schedule? 

I have struggled with busy time for a long time, I am learning how to slow down and realizing that not everything has be be done today.

Where it is tough for me is the house. I like a clean house but with kids and a husband it does not stay the way.    So I am always busy trying to clean and telling them they have to take their things up to their rooms, instead of enjoying play time or reading with them or just plain listening to them.  Not that having a clean house is a bad thing but if it is all I am thinking about then that is bad. 

So how can we as people learn what is enough and then what is to much?     

Thank you God for teaching us...

Generations:   What a wonderful thing God created...

Three generations are shown in this picture.   What blessings come from learning and growing with each other..

You may be able to learn something from any person but when a child learns something from a father or grandfather is just means something special...  Something that will last a life time and memories grow from this encounter.

Just like what we are to do with our heavenly father, we are to read and learn from the word of God... The love a joy he has for us is much more then we can imagine, When was the last time you read or even picked up your bible?

When I look at what God has done in my life I am so thankful. He has brought me from such brokenness to a life full of peace and happiness..

I met my husband 16yrs ago in Oct and my life has not been the same since. When I met him, I never realized how much my life would change, some for the good, some for the bad but all of it was for my good.  God had plans to change me and he needed Darryl in my life to do it..

My love for God and for Darryl has grown so much through the year. I thought at times my heart was going to break in half or just plainly come right out of my chest but God showed me how much he loved me and I came through a stronger women..

So for my first post I am thanking God and my Husband for what I am calling PEACE.. in my life